Saturday, February 25, 2012

Why Con Panna Coffee Made Me Cry

I ordered my mocha and stared across the table at my handsome husband this morning. Saturday is the light at the end of my 9-5 work week. I truly enjoy my job, but a day to sleep in and have a late morning coffee with my best friend can't be beat.

"This is aweful." The brown liquid had barely hit my lips and this Seattlelite knew what it was: an old shot mixed with luke warm milk, and way too much chocolate. Garrick's Americano wasn't much better.

Two dogs lay outside in the sun with their old man, one brown, one black. "I would love a dog," I tell Garrick. Suddenly, large tears swell in my eyes and it's all I can do to keep from crying in the busy coffee shop. (Why coffee like that brings customers, I'll never know.)

Suddenly, the truth escapes: I'm a little down. The terrible mocha and the cute dogs bring out feelings that are more deep rooted.

I like lists so here we go:

1) I need to play with my nephews and hang out with my family. And go to Jimmy John's. I miss home. I feel that I've been absent at a very difficult time for the rest of my family. I know that none of them resent me for being away and I feel very supported, but still, I feel guilty at times.

2) When you move across the world for a year, and then it turns in to potentially four, it's an adjustment. I'm beyond proud of Garrick for his accomplishments and grateful for my new position at the university, but I need to give myself time to be okay with calling St Andrews home for a few more years. In just 5 months, it has wedged its way into my heart with its quaint cobble-stoned streets, cute shops, and historic beauty, and I know that I will love it even more as time goes by.

3) I'm the new girl. In just a short time, a new person will be hired in the Registry office and more students will arrive in the Fall, but having an accent and meeting several new people a week can get overwhelming. I wish I could make a shirt that says, "Yes,  I am American. Yes, I know that 20 is young to get married. Yes, I go to church."

4) Quid. It stresses me out.

Because I can articulate my feelings well and have two little ears that listen intently to everything I say, we left Con Panna holding hands and smiling, and vowed to never go back.

 Brighter days are ahead.

2 comments:

  1. You are missed especially during all of the recent family events surrounding Cameron's memory. We think if you often and can't wait til you can make another trip home.

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    1. That's one of the big reasons I feel so bad for being away. I can't wait until I make another trip home. Tell Ken to come golf at the Old Course!

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