This post is for my expat friends.
Garrick and I have made the trek from St Andrews to Seattle twice now. We've really cherished these times. It's amazing to play at the park with our nephews, eat our favourite waffle fries, and enjoy hugs galore. Skype does the job, but can never compare to tangible interactions. These times also bring about a layer of complexity that I didn't expect. Having two trips under our belts, I thought it may be helpful to chat about some of the things we've learned.
1)
Less really is more. Our first trip home, we had breakfast, lunch, and dinner, (and sometimes coffee) dates most days. I remember feeling excited and exhausted at the same time. A person only has so many words. This trip we did one night with friends, and it freed up the rest of our time to spend with our families who we see so little.
2)
Make a list of must-dos. Before we left, I thought of experiences, places, people, and food that I had to have. For instance, taking my nephews to the Children's Museum or eating Matador nachos. Paying attention to what you regularly miss and then making an effort to do those things creates a fulfilling trip. Trust me, time fills up fast, and add a bit of jet lag, you may forget something important.
3)
You can't manage other's expectations. You have ideas about how the trip will go, and so does everyone else. You have lots of people to see, and it can be difficult to split time evenly between everyone. Worrying about fairness or tensions can really take the joy away from the trip. Our families were more than understanding of us, but I could see the potential for conflict. Also, a polite "no" is a perfectly acceptable answer. If you over commit or fill your time with activities you dislike, you'll be no good to anyone.
4)
Build in a personal day. Or two. Honestly, the word 'vacation' is not really accurate. It's more of a trip. And don't get me wrong, trips are great, but can be difficult when you were expecting a vacation. So, if you'd like to get some relax time, put it on the schedule. Your days WILL fill up. It just happens. This year we did not do the best at carving out time for ourselves, but our families really made an effort to do things we wanted.
5)
Conflicting emotions are normal. It's hard to go back to a place you once called home. When we're in Seattle, we miss our St Andrews friends and the North Sea, and when we're in St Andrews, we miss our family and friends and the stunning views of Mt Rainier. I surprised myself on the plane back to Scotland when I started sobbing during "Enough Said." There is a scene where two parents watch their daughter walk through to airport to leave for college. I was laughing a few minutes later, but it was a good reminder that I'm torn, and that's healthy.
Maybe this is all common sense, but I didn't think about any of this prior to our first trip. We're in the thick of jet lag, eating grilled cheese at 1am and drinking lots of French press during the day. It's back to work tomorrow and we're excited to start feeling normal and seeing our friends. With that, I'll close with the two places we've called home:
